Karma, Ex-husbands, and Current Husbands

Too bad being a douchebag doesn't kill you.  I really hope there is such a thing as karma.  Can I just add here that not one day goes by where I don't think to myself how much I hate my ex-husband? Breathe......That is all for today.  I hope all of my readers enjoy their weekend.  I have a date with my husband tonight and we are going to attempt to "connect".  Apparently "couple closeness" is one of the five most important things in a marriage.  This nugget of wisdom I learned from my wonderful marriage class that we started this week which basically told me my husband and I were in deep shit.  This was all based on some on-line assessment that we both had to take before the class.  Apparently we ranked very low and have a 'conflicted relationship'.  Here I am thinking how great it was that we are starting this "built to last" marriage class and how proactive we are being with our marriage and my husband leans over to me as I tear up over the results of our couples assessment and says, "we aren't living a love story babe."  What?? We aren't?? That was my reaction.  Well that was news to me because apparently I am living a love story. So, tonight we are off to get close and reconnect, yahoo! That usually includes drinking too much and there is usually guacamole involved.  Can't wait to reconnect!!

Adios Facebook!

Facebook has become the new Perez Hilton. What used to be a somewhat mild obsession with celebrity culture and what latest mess they have gotten themselves into, Facebook has taken over my life. Instead of obsessing over celebrities and what they are wearing, I am e-stalking people I went to high school with and seeing what they are up to. I know all about these strangers lives. I have seen their wedding pictures, pictures of their first born, know how they spent their Saturday night, and sometimes what they had for dinner. Many times, these people aren’t even my “friends” but instead they are friends of friends. I have looked through many photo albums of total complete strangers many of whom if I saw walking down the street, I would know that they are pregnant with their third girl. That is just weird. For about a year now I have been facebooking and I have amassed almost 100 friends (I am not and have never been the popular girl) but the truth is, in my “real” life, I still only have my one girlfriend that I have had since I was 7 years old. I knew that this obsession with Facebook had gone too far when this past week, a cousin of a girl I went to high school died. I wasn’t really ever friends with this girl in high school. In fact, she was popular and rich and a cheerleader. Although she was very nice, I never really knew her but for some reason or another we are friends on Facebook. Anyway, her cousin died this last week and he was my age and had a son my daughter’s age. He went up to Oregon to see his family for Christmas, got the flu and died. He was 30 years old. He left behind a beautiful wife and son. Now, I don’t know them at all but I have been obsessed with them for the past week. I have read posts to this guys wall about what a great guy he was, I have seen pictures of his kid and family, and read posts made my his brother how sad he is that his brother died. I have never handled death all that well to begin with but this whole thing made me so sad. I felt so sad for his wife and his baby. There they were trying to celebrate their son’s first Christmas and then he died. The whole story was just too much for me. I didn’t go to the funeral but I thought about it. This whole thing got me to start thinking. Does anything good come from Facebook? If I didn’t have an account I wouldn’t have known about it and then been depressed about it for the last 2 weeks. This is just one (extreme) example of me and my too much Facebooking. For example, let’s take a look down memory lane. There were the popular girls in high school who had it all. Their parents could actually afford the private school tuition (I was on financial aid), they had new cars wrapped in red bows for their 16th birthday, they always had dates, their lives just seemed easy. What is this girl up to now? Easy street! She is a stay at home mom, a home owner (they all are), with a gorgeous baby, she didn’t gain an ounce of weight, and here she is posing in her first class flight to Argentina with her 9 month old who has her own airplane seat! The popular people are all still popular and still have it easy and look great. The single girls have great jobs and hang out with their other ad exec friends going to bars and seeing bands play and have time to go to bootie bootcamp, others have babies and are going to mommy and me swim classes in their brand new minivan. The whole comparing my life to Facebook was making me depressed. I gained a shitload of weight during my pregnancy. Yeah, ok I was cute before that but I was never a skinny minny. Now, I live in the ghetto working my temp job that will hopefully become permanent, while my husband stays at home with the little one and he attempts to work from home. Ok, my husband is gorgeous, that part is true, but we are totally broke and there is nothing glamorous about that. What am I supposed to do with these 100 friends anyway? I don’t actually hang out with them. I would say maybe 5 of those have actually seen my daughter in real life, and the other 5 are family members. So 10% of my “friends” I actually know. What I have learned this last week with this poor guy’s death is that Facebook and I need a break from each other. My obsession with keeping in the know of everybody else’s life was actually ruining mine. I was focusing on what I don’t have and what I will never have which was just ruining my mood. I have already come to grips with the fact that I will never be a homeowner but I don’t need to see everyone else including high school sluts standing in their new front yards in front of the ‘sold’ sign. It is just depressing. Facebook and I are on the outs.

Five Day Work Week, WTF?

Back to work for a full five day work week. Christmas week I only worked three days and last week I was in the office only two days. I have a major hellish cold which ruined my New Year’s plans so instead my husband and I drank almond champagne that was 2 years old and listened to my mariachi neighbors light their illegal fireworks and play their tunes all night. It was a blue moon and I did have way too much Nyquil so it wasn't terrible. We did manage to stay up till 1:30 which shocked us both. My daughter is teething again which I must say sucks. She is 9 months old and has 6 teeth now. She has 4 up top and 2 on the bottom and I swear just when this teething fiasco stops and we get over it, she starts up again. So, she is bitchy and feverish and is constantly shitting her pants. It is not fun but then again I am not the parent that is at home having to deal with it and of course there is no tone of anymonisity there at all. None whatsoever. I have this death like cold and totally hit snooze when my alarm went off this morning at 5:45am and my lovely retard of a husband comes in and wakes me up at 6:30am and says, "babe aren't you going to get up? It's 6:30." Yeah, thanks a lot. He said he was busy feeding the baby. Thanks buddy. Like paying for that Sam's Club formula isn't important? Whatevs. I rolled out of bed and made it to work on time. I don't know why I rush, I am invisible here anyway. My boss didn't make it in anyway. He was stuck in a blizzard on a flight back from his vacation. Oh how I wish I could afford a vacation. Since I am technically still a fucking temp at this place, I logged into my online banking this morning to find that my glorious temp agency forgot to pay me last week. That is really great because I just wrote a check for my rent which of course is due on the first of the month. Yeah, guess who is about to bounce a check? Great. I am thirty years old and called good old dad and he rushed down to the bank and put money in my account cover the rent. Now, normally I would feel bad about that but for the record, he has never bailed me out like this (well lately he has kind of a lot, but never my rent) and until recently was the worst grandpa ever. He just now decided he liked my kid and wanted to be a part of her life, so don't think I am some spoiled brat. My dad is just as poor as me. In fact, my douche bag of an ex-husband owes my dad 100K and owes me like 40K. That is another long story. Anyway, so my New Years, sucked and my day sucked. I have this cold and really just want to go home and go to bed.


I signed up my husband and me for these marriage classes at my church. They were only $40 and it was for 6 weeks. It comes with free babysitting and I thought it would be something interesting to blog about even though no one actually reads this. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and have been together for 4 years and have a somewhat interesting story on how we met. I would say our marriage is pretty good. Overall I am pretty satisfied and I would say he is the one thing I don't regret in my life which is a pretty strong statement if you knew our story. I signed us for these classes because we are both divorced and although we are both not very religious if there is one thing I learned from my last marriage is that marriage takes work and that you need to constantly work on it day by day and not just when the shit hits the fan which is why I signed us up. I figure we are both happy so why not do it now when we are not hating each other? We could always work on communication. When my last marriage was going down in flames, we were past the point of working it out by the time marriage counseling even came up (he refused to go) so I figure a little tune up couldn't hurt. We will probably learn something new about each other and it's always fun to make fun of the other couples when we get in the car. 

Another One Bites The Dust

Another year has come and come and gone. This year had been exceptionally bad I must say. 30 hasn't been so good so far. I would love to say that 30 has been a smashing success but it really hasn't. This year might have been the worst so far. It got off a promising start because last December 26th, my husband finally entered the US with his green card and came for good. No more traveling back and forth and waiting by the mailbox waiting for a visa. Gotta love post 9/11 immigration. What a nightmare process that was. Not to mention the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and on total bed rest and living with my dad! So my new husband moves to a new country with a new culture and a new everything and gets an instant family. What he really got was an insanely hormonal pregnant wife who had gained like 50 pounds at that point and he was moving into his in-laws house with my dad, my step-mom who doesn't speak English, and my 93 year-old grandmother who is nuts and wets her pants all day when she decides to actually wear her pants, oh and two dogs. So, my poor husband got a really bad deal. Did I mention that I had the worst pregnancy in history? I had a super high risk pregnancy that included doctor visits 3 times a week where we were on constant baby watch and we were running to the hospital at all hours of the night for the remainder of my pregnancy. We were also totally broke and I was on disability, and he couldn't work because we had to wait for his stupid green card. The whole thing was a disaster.


My pregnancy was one big scare. My doctors tried to get me to abort at 15 weeks and said that she would be retarded but once I could feel her in there I couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong, I am no martyr and I had them do all the tests, and no none of the tests came back positive so I just kept her in there incubating. I figured that if she wasn't going to make it, she wouldn't. I developed all sorts of problems like placenta previa and gestational diabetes and eventually had to have amniocentesis done to make sure her lungs were developed enough because she was getting too big in there. Her lungs were fine which turned out good because the amnio caused me to go into labor anyway, the day of my scheduled c-section, an entire month early.


So, my daughter was born. She did have some trouble at first with her blood sugar and spent some time in the NICU but really just a few days. I got her home for about three days before I had some issues. I woke up and my sheets were covered with smelly goo and my c-section incision was infected which landed me in the hospital for 3 weeks without my daughter. So, after the worst pregnancy ever and 10 months of bed rest and I now had to fight a massive infection. They thought it was a staph infection (which my own mother died of, which I will save for another time, eery) but it was just a bacterial weird infection. My daughter couldn't come see me because hospitals are no place for babies so there I was a new mom with no baby. It sucked. I was all alone and my poor husband was all alone with a newborn and home, clueless. He did a great job. He was a natural. My tip for choosing a husband, is choose wisely. Choose someone who is nice to animals and is nurturing. You need someone who will step up when the shit hits the fan at a time like this. My husband totally stepped up. My dad stayed with me all day at the hospital because I am his kid and my husband stayed home with his kid. That was the beginning of the end because before this, the three of us (my dad, husband, and I) all got along but once my daughter was born, things all kind of fell apart. My dad can't seem to grasp the whole sharing of me thing. Anyway, I got better and went home and we tried to start our lives together but it was a mess. Eventually the money ran out and we needed help and there was none. My dad surprisingly wasn't interested in being a grandparent and sucked at it. It was a shock to us. We had a major falling out and moved out. It was the best decision we could have made because we needed to be a family of our own.


We moved to the ghetto, I went back out there to the good old job market and miraculously got a temp job that turned out to be OK. My husband stays home with the baby and picks up freelance translator work when he can and takes care of everything else. We are broke but we are doing it on our own. This is by no means the most ideal situation but it is working for us and we are making it. This year was the year I turned 30 and it was a year of transitions. There was a new husband, new baby, moving back into dad's house, disability, unemployment, going broke, new fat body, new bad health, new job, and the new transition of things slowly getting better. It has been a LONG year and I can't wait to see what the next year brings. I have a lot of weight to lose. I have lost only like 20 pounds and would like to lose another 100 pounds or so and get rid of all these health problems that this pregnancy has caused like diabetes. I hope to get out of this financial shit hole that I am in. I hope to be a better wife and to make more time to appreciate how great my husband is. I hope to take more time to stop and just breathe my daughter in more. Man, the time is going so fast. She is growing so fast and is already 9 months old.


So, no resolutions this year. I am just going to to keep on moving in this direction and keep doing what I am doing. Hopefully, it will get me towards my goal. My goals in life aren't huge. I would like to own a house one day again, and I would like my daughter to be able to go to meet her grandparents abroad and be able to go and visit them once a year. That's it. For now those are my big dreams.

Why blog?

Good question. I figured it was time to blog because I am 30 and a half now and it's not like I have anything to say but maybe I can help someone else out there in the atmosphere struggling like myself with their existence. Let me be honest here, 30 sucks. I am a working mother with a 9 month old baby. I have a stay at home husband who takes care of her all day. I have a job that I pretty much hate but it pays the bills. It's a new job. I am actually still considered a temp. They actually can't hire me officially until January 12th because they don't want to pay the agency fee so I have to wait until I have been here for three months. So I didn't get the Christmas bonus of $100 cash and I didn't get the $25 gift card for a stupid free turkey at the grocery store which really I actually could have used. I am an executive assistant at this company that makes what I will call widgets. I don't particularly love this job but I am lucky to have this job. After I illegally got laid off my last job after my daughter was born I was seriously about to be homeless so I am lucky to have this job and am making more money at this job anyway and am working half the hours and this job is way easier. I am pretty much invisible here. They don't know that I actually used to be cute. They don't know that I used to wear contacts and have blond highlights and only weigh...well less. Now they see this girl with badly dyed brown hair (Feria #45, didn't turn out so well), glasses and 70 extra pounds. I don't give a shit, I kind of feel bad for my super hot husband. He has only made one comment once but it was a real zinger. Are you ready for it? He said he was kind of turned off by me because my giant fat roll got in the way!! I shit you not, he actually said that. Yeah, things have been a little rocky ever since and my daughter is 9 months old but you know what? This is what 30 looks like. For reals.